recap since i last posted
its been awhile since i posted, and there have been new changes as of recent.
one of the reasons why i stopped posting was because i started seeing cookie again. the reason was mostly because i was feeling lonely. that lonliness is part of the “cycle” i have with him. however, i hadn’t seen him recently. recently meaning for about three weeks. the last time i saw him, i didn’t really feel anything towards him, and that helped me not care that he wasn’t going to see me or contact me for awhile.
since then, i joined a free online dating site called okcupid. it has a fun and funny interface and there are a lot of people using it because it is free. there are questionaires which you have the option of taking to increase your compatibility rating with other members. they use funny phrases such as “stalkers” for the people who viewed your profile. so far, i exchanged a few emails with some guys and i have two dates this week and one next week! one of them, i find particularly attractive, and the other two seem ok but they all seem to have good personalities. i recently read a book recommended to me by a friend of mine, called “The Four Man Plan”. i hope to put what i learned into action. one of the “rules” is to give every man a second date. this is because the first date is always nervewracking and you can never tell what a person is like by that date. the second rule is you only have one opportunity to contact a guy if he doesn’t contact you. that bounces off of the whole “if he really likes you, he will contact you” mentality. third, you can only have one “guy that you f-” at a time. and if someone has reached that point, and then drops off the grid, he is never to return. anyway, you’ll get an idea of the rest of the rules as i relate them to the stories i will have after these dates.
for a long while, my self-esteem was somewhere near bottom. note it was not at rock bottom. there is a strong corrleation between my self-esteem levels and time i spend with cookie. lately, i had been feeling like i lost my groove. all that changed last night when i worked an event where i knew i would see a guy i’ve crushed on for awhile. he is not in any way long-term or any-term material (he is too young, poor, etc.), but last night i seemed to grow a pair (after getting some hair on my chest from the several drinks i served myself from behind the bar), and actually FLIRTED and got a positive response. who knew?! needless to say, that little push from myself was all i needed to make me feel like i CAN do this, and i can have fun, move on from cookie, and think more positively about my life. yay!
